


The Cold, Lonely, Scattered, Life Of Starlight.

by 3DBABE1999



Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Break Up, Child Abandonment, False Accusations, James T. Kirk Needs a Hug, Mind Rape, Misunderstandings, Past Abuse, Past Rape/Non-con, Tarsus IV, Tentacle Dick, Tentacle Monsters, Tentacle Rape, Underage Rape/Non-con
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-07-30
Updated: 2019-12-28
Packaged: 2020-07-27 03:16:11
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 7
Words: 7,725
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20039020
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/3DBABE1999/pseuds/3DBABE1999
Summary: Captain James T. Kirk once had it all. He had, had a wonderful Crew that had trusted him, cared about him, they were his friends and chosen family and he was their friend and family in turn. He had two wonderful Soulmate Husbands. His life was the best it had ever been.Then some horrible things happened that ripped it all away.No one believed or trusted Jim. Then Jim paid for it with pain and blood and almost paid with his life. Suddenly the truth stared everyone in the face and suddenly they are the ones to pay when Jim suffers to the point of breaking so badly he forgets them all. Then they find themselves trying to be the people they once were in Jim's life only to have Jim be the one not believing or trusting THEM.Starlight leads a cold, lonely, scattered existence. It can travel millions of miles through the icey void of Space, cold and lonely it will travel until it reaches several destinations, being seen as a star in one or more than one inky dark sky surrounded by millions of other pinpoints of light where it might not be noticed unless it is exceptionally bright or in some other way remarkable.Jim is like starlight. Journeying not to discover but for his light to be seen.





	1. Chapter 1

..

..

Jim was once in a loving marriage with the men who were once his two best friends..

Jim was once someone who was trusted and cared about as a friend, even loved like family, by his Crew without question..

Jim's life had once been so wonderful and Jim had once been so happy..

That was a year ago..

Now.. Jim was still Captain but his Crew no longer trusted him, no longer cared for him as a friend or loved him like family.. 

And the men he had been married.to still worked alongside him each day but they had divorced Jim staying with each other as a couple without the inclusion of Jim and while they saw Jim every day and worked alongside him every day they no longer loved him and they were no longer his friends..

What happened to make things change so drastically?

Well.. That story comes later.. 

For now.. 

It has been one year, four months and eighteen days since Leonard and Spock had divorced Jim and they kicked him out of their shared Quarters..

And The Enterprise will soon be in Orbit around a Planet called X'Lar.. 

The Mission... Is to send an Away Team to the Surface of The Planet to begin talks about bringing this Planet into The Federation as it is rich with Dilithium deposits..

The people of X'Lar are expecting the entire Bridge Crew to Beam Down in Full Dress Uniform.. 

But..

James Tiberius Kirk, THE CAPTAIN and considered the most important Member of The Bridge Crew by the natives of X'Lar has been adamant for weeks that he cannot, will not, attend the Away Mission..

Jim even went so far as to hand Command of The Enterprise over to Spock, declare Emotional Compromise and take himself off of The Duty Roster days in advance of reaching X'Lar, and only mere hours after receiving the Orders to go to the Planet and all of the information about the Planet's inhabitants..

Jim swears he can't, won't, go down to the surface of that Planet and won't say why..

The Crew aren't having it..

Jim is their Captain and they once followed him through the fires of Hell itself and even allowed him to keep his Captaincy after .... He owes them this.. This is one of the biggest opportunities of all of their Careers and if they can get X'Lar to join The Federation the access to the Dilithium will ensure Funding for projects that are important to them, it will ensure pay raises and most importantly a lengthy Shore Leave to spend precious time with their families.. And the people of X'Lar were EXPECTING The Captain of The Enterprise to be there, the whole deal could be called off if The Captain doesn't attend, the people of X'Lar could see it as a slight if the entire Bridge Crew does not attend like they are expecting.. So The Crew are going to make sure that The Captain, that JIM, goes down with The Away Team whether he likes it or not because they refuse to let this deal be put at risk when their paychecks could use that boost..

Jim is not in The Captain's Quarters.. In fact he has been staying in one of The Guest Quarters as he had given up Command and taken himself off of The Duty Roster weeks earlier.. But Sulu, Uhura, Chekov, Scotty, Spock and McCoy have been pressured by the people in their Departments to get The Captain to go with them as a part of The Away Team by force if necessary.. 

So in the hours before The Away Mission.. The Bridge Crew plus the Chief Engineer and CMO all go to visit Jim to first try to talk him into changing his mind about going down then if that won't work hypo him into oblivion then drag his unconscious ass down to the Planet.

"I can't.. " Jim tells them with a shake of his head as he opens the door as if he already knows what they are there to say..

"Has it occurred to you that everyone on The Ship is depending on this deal to go through?..." McCoy asks.

"That is exactly why I CANNOT go.." Jim replies "If I go the deal will automatically be off.. The second I land on that Planet the deal will be off, the natives of X'Lar will be enraged that The Away Team brought me and we will all be taken into Custody.. The Away Team will all be held prisoner until their release is negotiated and I.. I will .. Well.. I doubt I would be coming back alive.." 

"Cut the crap, Captain." McCoy said seethingly "Tell us the real REASON you refuse to go down there."

"It's.. Personal and I rather not talk about it.." Jim said with a tired sigh.

"Well.. Tough." Uhura chimed in "We deserve to know why, when your absence alone could sink our chances of this thing going through."

"Surely you all read the Briefings on the inhabitants of X'Lar.." Jim said and everyone nodded. "Well.. The people on X'Lar.. They have no choice but to Telepathically sense a particular thing and when they sense that particular thing it causes them pain and if a person from X'Lar comes across someone who has suffered that particular thing in their lives and it causes the person from X'Lar pain then that someone who caused that pain is horrifically punished even if they did not do it intentionally.. So.. I cannot go.."

"The only thing that those people can sense that causes them pain is if a person has ever been the legitimate victim of a legitimate rape.. " Spock replied and Jim nodded.

"Wow.. You almost had me." Uhura stated "I can't believe you would go so far as to put all of our careers in jeopardy just so you can keep trying to stick to the lie you tried to sell us all last year to try to keep Spock and Leonard from divorcing your ass.. "

Jim looked at Uhura with hurt on his face "That was never a lie.."

"I've seen the way you sleep around.. Can you really expect me or any of us for that matter, to believe that?? I can't believe you tried to pull this crap just to once again try to manipulate Spock and Leonard into believing your lies!" Uhura exclaimed.. 

Now Jim looked really hurt "I don't care if any of you don't believe me." He said as tears filled his eyes.. "I'm not going."

"Oh.. Yes.. You are." McCoy replied "And fake crying ain't gonna get you out of it."

"Get out." Jim stated angrily "All of you... I'm not going.. That's final and you can't make me because right now, SPOCK is Captain and I'm not even on Duty.. You technically already have The entire Bridge Crew .. You don't even need me.. So get out.. Cuz I won't go. " Jim said as he cried steady streams of tears.

Bones looked at the others and pullled out a hypo.. "You're going.. Even if I have to knock you out and drag you down to the Planet myself."

Jim gave a twisted sad smile "You're not my friends anymore and you'll never be my friends again." 

"Quit being so dramatic." McCoy said with a roll of his eyes as his arm shot out amd he stabbed Jim in the neck with the hypo and Jim slumped to floor.

"We gotta get him into uniform and get him to the Transporters.. We don't have a lot of time left to make the rendezvous." Sulu stated.

"I jon't zink ve shu'uld beee doing thiz." Chekov said "It feelz vrong."

"It's fine... He's just being a drama queen." McCoy stated.. "Plus when nothing happens then maybe Jim will finally stop being so pathetic and tell the truth about what happened and finally admit that he lied about not cheating on me and Spock so that Spock and I can finally make him stop trying to manipulate his way back into a relationship with us... We can maybe even get him Officially stripped of his Rank and sent off the ship for Conduct Unbecoming or something."

"Then we could finally have a Captain we can actually trust." Uhura added to help reassure Chekov.

"It still feelz vrong." Chekov whispered as Spock and Leonard used the Replicator to create a Full Dress Uniform to dress the unconscious Jim in.

Once they had stuffed Jim into a suitable Full Dress Uniform and Dress Uniform shoes, they drug Kirk into The Transporter Room and dumped him on one of the empty circles on the pad before going to stand on their own..

Scotty took his place behind the Transporter Controls and McCoy stood off to the side.. Scotty and McCoy were not Bridge Crew and thus they were not going.. McCoy had only gone to Kirk's Quarters for if he had to hypo Kirk unconscious and Scotty had only gone to be muscle if anything got physical..

The Transporter Beams began to glow around those standing on the pad.. And soon they dissolved into particles of light and Spock Comm'ing to confirm that they had arrived on the Planet's surface at the intended place of rendezvous.

"There seem to be complications." Spock's voice came back in over The Communicator "It seems as if the people here at the rendezvous are in immense amounts of pain.." 

"You have brought a Tarnished onto our soil and with the presence of a Tarnished you have caused us pain! Give over the Tarnished for the punishment due and prepare to be imprisoned for your crimes of bringing a Tarnished here for what was supposed to have been an act of Treaty and Peace!" The voice of a native of X'Lar could be heard over The Comm and when Scotty tried to retrieve The Away Team and get them out of harm's way there was a shield around the whole planet blocking him from bringing everyone back on board.

On the Planet, the people of X'Lar pushed the Away Team away from Jim's unconscious form and drug the unconscious man away as the others stood and watched in pale faced horror and regret..


	2. Chapter 2

..

..

On X'Lar there is a giant being that can telepathically sense the minds and pains of all of the Beings that step foot on the Planet, the being telepathically assaults all minds on the people of X'Lar with any and all pain that it, itself is subjected to.. 

From scraped knees of playing children to bruised knots on heads from being too tall and running into a beam that was too low .. 

All pain is sensed by the being and then transmitted to the similarly Telepathic minds of the people of X'Lar causing the people of the Planet pain as well.. 

Not all pain is equal in nature or intensity..

The reasons anyone who has been a victim of rape causes such severe pain that it is actually punishable by the laws of the people of X'Lar to step foot on the planet if you have suffered such pain is that it isn't just the pain.. It is the experiences that accompanied the pain..

See.. Someone who has suffered such trauma could completely forget that they had ever been a victim of rape, such as in their memory could be completely erased of the event so completely that not even a trace remained in their minds.. 

But the being would still be able to sense the past pain and trauma and see every single thing that happened during thing that had happened during the rape..

And that meant that every inhabitant of X'Lar would be forced to endure that pain and the visions of the event or events that caused it.. Including even the youngest of children..

That was what made it a punishable crime to so much as come to the Planet if you had ever been sexually assaulted because to the people of X'Lar to make the being and thus themselves suffer such pain, such trauma, to make them see the events as they happened, to make them all feel the assault no matter hiw far into the past, well.. It was considered an act of sexual assault against all of them and to hurt their children in such a way.. Well anyone would be enraged if their child was forced to endure the pain and trauma of sexual assault and they would incinerate the Heavens to bring the one that had hurt their children to a fittingly painful justice.. 

So Jim was taken to the giant being of X'Lar for judgement and punishment..

The giant being was ancient, probably older than the planet itself, the people.of X'Lar revered it as their God, able to cause them such pain, but also it gave joy and happiness too as it shared what it sensed and thus happiness and peace of mind was encouraged among all the people of X'Lar because what one felt was shared for all, making X'Lar a Planet with absolutely no war (Because who would want to cause anyone else pain when they in turn would be made to feel that same pain as well?) and no crime, no abuse, no assault, no neglect or starvation.. 

The giant being resided in a giant ancient temple in an old forest outside the city..

Inside the temple old and new converged.. A Planet Elder sat in what looked like a reception area that was at the entry of the temple.. This Elder was the one to send the information on the planet's people to The Enterprise with as much specifics as possible as to why they could not allow anyone who had ever suffered as a victim of rape to come to the Planet and what would most likely befall anyone who broke that rule..

The people of X'Lar knew other Worlds viewed it differently than they and they accepted that so long as the Tarnished Ones were kept off of their planet because they did not want themselves or their children to have to feel such humiliation, shame and pain as if it were their own.. 

Those who were victims of rape were referred to as Tarnished because that feeling of being Tarnished that their past suffering caused every inhabitant on X'Lar to feel if a Tarnished set foot on their Planet..

The Elder looked at Jim with an enraged expression and guided the guard detail amd their captive to a large set of double doors.

"May V'klar grant swiff mercy.. Our Planet's people do not wish to be made to suffer even more than what suffering you have already caused on this day." The Elder stated stoicly.

The doors swung open and Jim was pushed inside and the doors snapped shut behind him leaving him alone in a large chamber with a massively huge creature that seemed to be a giant mass of tentacles..


	3. Chapter 3

..

..

Jim had been knocked unconscious, well, hypo'd unconscious, by someone who had once been his best friend, by someone who had once been one of his two husbands ...

And he woke up to being dragged through a forest by a group of tentacle creatures.. 

The people of X'Lar were about seven feet tall, purple, and they looked like walking squid with pointed heads that flared at their chins making an arrow shape and then a long skinny neck and a sort of humanoid'esc torso, they had arms and hands and sort of bipedal legs but their bipedal legs were surrounded by tentacles that grew from around where the waist would be on a Human making it look like they wore a purple skirt of tentacles that hung to their knees when in reality they wore no clothing and had no obvious gender defining features unless those gender defining features were hidden beneath the tentacles that grew around their waists..

Jim had woken and had realized what had happened and had put up a cursory struggle that was futile as the drugs that had knocked him unconscious still had not fully worn off and the people of X'Lar were stronger than even Vulcans, honestly just one could have been dragging him to what might be his doom and Jim wouldn't stand a chance even with the full use of all of his faculties, yet here he was being dragged by two and surrounded by a circle of at least six and he had a sedative of some sort still working its way out of his system.. He really did not stand a chance..

When he was shoved into that chamber with what the Elder had called V'klar, he had resigned himself to possibly die a painful death..

The largest part of V'Klar that Jim could see was a Tentacle that was around three stories tall .. or long? .. and it was roughly as big around as the space shuttles of old.. 

The mass of tentacles began to writhe and Jim took a step back as the tentacles unfurled from their ball and slithered towards him..

The tentacles stopped short of making actual contact.. But they were still awful close to the toes of Jim's shoes..

The mass of tentacles moved some more until they were completely unwound from the center ball.. 

The center was ..

What looked to be the body of a massive Devil Ray except the tentacles that came out of the end of it instead of a tail.. The body.. Was in actuality the head and the face was what one might expect to find on the bottom of a Devil Ray..

It did not move its mouth to speak.

It did not need to ..

Inside his head Jim could hear V'klar speak..

"Your people know you as James Tiberius Kirk, but we, the people of X'Lar know you as Tarnished, prepare to be judged.." 

"Do I get to present any sort of defense?" Jim asked "As it was not my choice to come here and inflict my hurt upon your people, I was literally forced to come to the surface of X'Lar against my will.. Does that not count as something that could gain me any sort of reprieve? Because hurting your people was not something I did purposely or willingly?"

"The judgement will decide.." V'klar replied

"I thought this was the judgement?" 

"This is the binding.. Your mind to the minds of all of those that inflicted you and your pain upon us, as you suffer the judgement, so shall they, they will see what you see, feel what you feel, your memories of past pains that Tarnish you will be theirs to suffer so that they understand the gravity of the offense that they have committed, so that they understand the pain of the judgement I am forced to carry out.."

"What is the judgement?" Jim asked his voice shaking with fear ..

"You must go through the process of rebirth and live.. Or die..."

"And what is the process of rebirth?" 

"First comes the process of binding your mind to the minds of those that have inflicted you and your pain upon us.." V'klar replied.

The tentacles nearest Jim snaked around his foot and up his pant leg and twined around his middle.. wrapping and wrapping.. Coiling around Jim pulling him closer to V'klar with each coil ..

"Your mind is now twined with theirs.." V'klar declared then released Jim from the coils of tentacles.

"For the process of rebirth you must remove your clothing and then follow me to the Waters Of Purity. The Mother Of All and The Children Of V'klar await you." ..

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ..
> 
> ..
> 
> So ..  
The process of rebirth is gonna be painful and bloody and that is where everyone is going to see Jim's memories and Readers will finally know what happened and why everyone on The Enterprise were being such assholes to Jim..
> 
> And um.. People may want to look away in the coming up bits ??
> 
> Because Jim is basically gonna be literally eaten whole .. But no worries it's only temporary and he won't exactly technically die, die, it's part of the rebirth thing.. 
> 
> Hopefully it'll make more sense when we get to that part.. I just wanted to forewarn everyone that Jim is gonna get eaten .. whole ... and .. alive .. he comes back out and not in the pretty way .. But he manages to survive being eaten and basically digested .. And .. Reborn(ish) .. Again.. Hopefully that will make more sense when we get there..


	4. Chapter 4

..

..

Jim was led into another chamber... This one more vast than the previous one..

The walls and floor of the chamber were covered in wet cobblestones.. The entire room smelled of wet rocks.. 

The cobblestoned floor sloped downward, leading to the edge of still surfaced, murky water that was cloudy and grainy and looked like smoke and milk mixed together.. The water smelled.. Like.. Semen.. 

Off to the side of the pool there was a staggered stack of rocks that looked like it had once been a massive indoor waterfall.. The pool stretched to the back of the room and at the back of the room was a giant dark opening that looked like the mouth of a cave that had no bottom that coukd be seen like part of the opening and cave were under the water..

The surface of the water gave a single gentle ripple..

Then the single ripple became ripples, plural, that became small waves that slapped against the walls and surged up the slope..

The shadow of something darkened the water from below the surface..

Then.. The sound of water exploding upwards and cascading down in a crescendoing splash that echoed in the chamber as a mammoth, purple, tentacled creature rocketed above the surface .. There was a shallower bit of the pool .. An underwater platform of sorts that the creature glomped itself onto, its tentacles churning up the water around it..

"Step into the waters." V'klar commanded.

Jim did as he was told and went into the water..

He was only ankle deep, when, the surface of the water churned again, this time a frenzy of writhing grey sperm like blobs that were each about the size of a fully grown Human's torso all danced on the surface like they were the water and the water was them.. 

The blobs swarmed Jim and suddenly he was knee deep...

Then hip deep..

Then neck deep..

Then..

The blobs covered him completely..

He couldn't see and he could barely breath..

Then he noticed a burning sensation, like something acidic, on his skin..

His skin was being coated in it.. Burning him.. Eating away at him.. And he realized what the burning feeling was.. Digestive Enzymes.. He was being broken down.. By digestive acids.. To be .. Eaten . 

There was a loud splash and a huge surge of nasty, grainy, slimy, wet as water gushed in through gaps between the blobs and small purple tentacles began worming through the gaps, the blobs fell away as the tentacles wrapped Jim until he was fully incased in a ball of purple tentacles that prodded him .. Everywhere..

A tentacle breached his anus, his urethra and his mouth and he immediately struggled with panicked thoughts that this being was intending to sexually assault him and that it was hypocrisy that he would be punished for being a victim of sexual assault with more sexual assault as the tentacles filled him from the inside with more digestive enzymes and retreated leaving him burning inside out. Being broken down from inside out ..

He could feel the acid leaking into his skull..

Bathing his brain..

Someone somewhere in a far off distance was screaming, wailing in agony..

It was the echo of Jim's own voice..

And then..

He is three-years-old and his mother has left them with her brother.. Sam doesn't like Uncle Frank and especially doesn't like Uncle Frank being near Jimmy.. 

So Sam takes care of Jimmy mostly on his own and refuses to really let Frank near his little brother..

But..

Sam had to sleep sometime..

Frank would creep into the room where Sam and Jimmy slept in separate twin beds and Sam would sleep and sleep and sleep like a drugged man, while Frank would sit at the foot of Jimmy's bed and rub up and down Jimmy's leg whispering "You're my boy.. My boy, Jimmy.." and touch Jimmy in "No-No, places" and lean over Jimmy and insist Jimmy open his mouth and then Frank's tongue would be licking at the inside of Jimmy's mouth and Frank would be just rutting against Jimmy's pajama covered thighs moaning while Jimmy laid there confused and a little scared and paralyzed by fear and just did what he was told to do as tears slid down the sides of his eyes because he was laying down on his back, like how Frank usually liked him best.. Sometimes though, Frank would turn Jimmy over onto his stomach so the boy could cry into his pillow and his tears couldn't be seen and more importantly his mouth was safe from being explored by Frank's tongue..

The abuse didn't stop... It only escalated.. Jimmy's momma was hardly ever Planet Side and Frank was the only one willing to take care of her sons.. So Frank was alone with Sam and Jimmy, a lot, and really mostly able to do anything he wanted to and with them, even share them with his friends, because the children were trapped with him as their only caregiver, their only source of shelter and food and only source of a way to get things they needed as they grew..

And then one day..

Sam snapped.. And left.. 

And left Jimmy all alone with Frank..

And Jimmy refused to be left all alone with Frank and not do something to try to save himself..

So..

Jimmy is eleven and he has been sent to a Colony on a Planet called Tarsus IV as punishment for stealing a car, driving without a license, destroying private property, the list went on.. Jimmy was to serve two years at a youth correctional facility and do "community service" of working the fields of crops.. Jimmy was able to go to school at the colony, loaded onto a white bus with the words "Tarsus IV Youth Correctional Facility" painted in black against the side and going to school in a bright orange jumpsuit and a monitoring bracelet around his ankle and at the end of the school day he was loaded back onto the bus and taken to work in the fields until after midnight.. Jim only got about four hours of sleep each night..

And of course coming in on what equated to a prison bus and wearing what equated to Prison Orange meant that Jimmy was a prime target to be bullied at the school and of course the bullies did not stop at just simple physical assault.. Their favorite thing to call him was "Prison Bitch" as a taunt as they taught him what being a Prison Bitch was and what it felt like to be one..

When the ration portions grew smaller.. Well.. Jimmy was already very used to not getting to eat very much or very often, with Frank having once been his soul source of a way to get anything to eat, Jimmy had already long been used to going hungry..

And then the rations one day dwindled completely.. Suddenly Jimmy was going days without food.. Every once in a while guards at the facility would offer him some of their own food.. But only if Jimmy earned it.. And Jimmy was already used to having to earn his food in such ways so it barely even phased him, or so he told himself as he would try to keep from sobbing himself to sleep each night as the feeling of being used was so imbeded into his very being that his skin crawled and his stomach churned with it..

Then..

There is a Massacre.. 

It goes by in dreamlike flashes.. Jimmy knows there is more to remember than all of this.. But the people that die in front of him.. All of that sticks.. Vividly.. Stark rivers of red trickling down shades of beige, brown, tan.. All against a canvas of muted grays, a backdrop of faded black and white images.. 

It feels almost like he is dreaming.. Trapped in a nightmare.. Where only the horrible and horrific details are the ones that stand out..

Then..

He is skeletal and he knows there are other starving children he needs to protect.. Needs to get food for..

He is still eleven.. He thinks.. What day is it?.. Maybe he has already turned twelve at this point?.. Time seems to be a disjointed and vague thing that is merely a concept that isn't even real.. He feels like he stuck in a painting of melting clocks..

He sneaks across fields of crops plagued with blight, he breaks into empty homes and raids cabinets, pantries, basements, attics, bathrooms, in one house he finds a precious tomato plant that is untouched by the blight and it has a single tomato on a vine.. Small and not even enough to cover the palm of Jim's hand.. The plant is near a window and has been miraculously kept alive by sunlight and condensation.. 

J.T. salivates as he stares at the tomato..

But the kids.. His kids need to eat .. He does not eat the tomato and leaves it on the vine for the others..

He grabs the plant and is sneaking his way back to where he left the group of other children..

When...

He is snatched by the back of his shirt..

It's a large man and he has friends.. They're The Govenor's Men.. Guards set to enforce The Governor's Reign and kill any who escaped the Massacre.. But some of them are from the Youth Correctional Facility and .. Maybe it's the bright blue of his eyes.. But they recognize him..

And he isn't killed..

Instead he is used and the plant that could have grown his kids food, could have kept his kids from starving, is taken, the single lone tomato is thrown to him, his only payment, he will have to plant the seeds and hope they grow and not be effected by the blight..

He hobbles bruised and bleeding back to the place he left his children hidden.. 

J.T. gets caught and Kodos himself wants the boy... The leader of The Nine.. Wants to interrogate him... Find out where the others are hidden... There are only eight other people on the Planet besides J.T. that has seen the face of The Governor, that heard his voice give the Speech that were actually in the crowds to be killed but somehow escaped.. And Kodos has to tie up loose ends.. 

Jim is kept in a basement, chained up, beaten, starved, repeatedly raped by Kodos and his guards .. But he never tells where his kids are..

Then J.T. was back on Earth.. 

The process of being rescued, the long path to getting released from the hospital after being treated for severe malnutrition.. It's all so vague..

He is back on Earth and he is twelve.. Soon to be thirteen.. And he is back in the farmhouse being "cared for" by Frank.. 

His mom is gone again and Sam.. Left.. and is gone and so Jim is all alone with Frank and there is nothing stopping Frank from doing what he wants, how he wants, as much as he wants.. 

He relives days of being raped, by Frank, by Frank's friends..

Frank calls him "My boy."

Frank brings friends over and says to the friends "This here's my boy, Jimmy." or Frank's friends will catch Jim out in town and say "Frank says you're his boy." and then Jim gets taken in allies, in the backseat of a vehicle, on the ground, alongside the old railroad tracks with sharp rocks digging into his back.. He gets taken on the side of a police cruiser with his hands cuffed behind his back, then he is uncuffed and told to go home..

He gets older, he gets angry and mean and starts to drink and pick fights and doesn't fight back when someone uses him for their own sexual gratification and then one day he gets dared to better and he leaves Riverside, Iowa for good.. 

Here there is a big, pitch black gap in his memory..

Because he was happy... And Safe..

For so many years he was happy and safe..

There was a small blurp where Elder Spock Melded with him on Delta Vega.. But Jim tried to tamp down on those memories because he had agreed to the Meld and Elder Spock hadn't meant to hurt him or leave Jim with pieces of three Katras stuck in his head..

And then more blank.. Nothingness.. Because again, Jim was happy and safe..

And then it all came crashing down..

He was Captain James Tiberius Kirk of The Starship Enterprise, he was married to both of his best friends and by a stroke of luck, his Soulmates, because apparently Soulmates "T'hy'la" are real for Vulcans and Jim knew they were T'hy'la because Elder Spock had known and when Elder Spock had died, the Katras of Elder Spock and his two T'hy'las had taken up residence in Jim's mind from millions of light years away upon Elder Spock's passing.. So Jim knew what Spock and Bones were and he had pursued them, married them..

Was happy.. Safe..

Then..

Ha!.. Jim had forgotten that Frank had once been Starfleet.. That Frank had friends in Starfleet..

Happy and safe didn't last long..

The Enterprise had some Earth Side Shore Leave and.. Well.. Jim and his husbands spent a lot of it at Yosemite before going back to enjoy the rest at their apartment in San Francisco..

If only they had just stayed camping instead..

Bones had gone to spend some time with hus daughter Joanna at the zoo in San Diego and Spock was doing an experiment in his personal labs in the basement of their apartment building.. 

Jim had gone out to run some errands..

He stopped by Starfleet Academy Campus to rile Archer up and walk his dogs because the guy was his friend and sort of father figure the same way Pike was.. 

Then he was standing at the fountain at the center of the Academy tossing in a penny when he heard "Jimmy?"

Jim had turned and there was Frank.. In a Professor's Uniform.. How the hell did he get a teaching job at the Academy?

And Frank was with a few men, which he nudged them both in the side and said "This here's my boy, Jimmy.. You know.. The one I've been telling you about?" and Frank gave the other men a look and a raise of eyebrows and Jim just felt sick to his stomach as the bottom fell out of his world..

Jim remembers taking a step back and trying to go somewhere, anywhere else.. But then Frank had grabbed Jim by the elbow, easy to do since Jim was in shock and terrified and felt like a helpless child all over again..

"Let's go catch up, hey, Jimmy?" Frank said as he tugged Jim by the elbow towards the gates.. Jim was near hyperventilating and trying to reach out or call out to people passing by but Frank and his friends kept pushing Jim's arms back down and laughing making it look like they were all chummy with their arms around Jim's shoulders.. 

Jim just felt heavy and defeated and.. resigned..

When he staggered into the apartment he shared with his husbands he was dazed, hurting, confused, scared and smelling like sex, semen and booze.. And Spock and Bones were both home on the couch they had been wondering where he was.. 

Bones had been his roommate and had seen him come in like this before.. So automatically the man assumed that Jim had gotten drunk and slept around just like their old Academy Days.. Except now he was married ..

Bones had been angry.. Spock had been angry.. Jim had just been upset, tired, defeated.. Silent..

Spock and Bones had left..

It took days for Jim to be able to try to tell them or anyone what had really happened.. Too late... The damage was already done and no one believed him.. 

The Crew ostracized him almost automatically.. His husbands divorced him.. And he was left alone.. Left to deal with insubordination, insults.. This.. Incident .. Where they drugged him and forced him unwillingly down onto the surface of the Planet X'Lar..

And now.. Here was..

His skin melting off and his insides melting out becoming puddles of goo floating on the milky waters that the gray blobs were feasting upon..

His memories.. He panics.. He has a brother?.. A mom?.. He has a name?.. Who is he?.. Where is he? He reaches for something... Anything.. There is nothing it is all a blank.. He remembers .. Nothing.. Everything is .. Gone..

And then he was being wrapped ... A massive flap of purple flesh enveloped him and scooped him up and he felt himself.. Dissolve.. 


	5. Chapter 5

..

..

On the Planet X'Lar, Sulu, Uhura, Chekov and Spock are laying on the frigid stone floor of a cell..

They writhe in pain.

Spock clutches his head between hand and gives a primordial scream.. He sounds like something ancient.. Like his voice is shouting down all of the Gods and forcing Mortality on them before challenging them to a fight..

Spock holds his head and clutches his ears.. But it doesn't shut out the cacophony of screams.. Not his own.. Not Leonard's.. Not Jim's.. Not the people of X'Lar's.. 

Leonard is on The Enterprise.. But Spock can feel .. hear .. Leonard's pain .. Leonard's wailing .. Pain and grief and regret .. it all pours out from the last of his Bonded ..

They have made an irreversible error ..

A grave mistake ..

Spock tries issuing all of the Challenges to fight that he has ever learned and some he just makes up with taunts, yes, he resorts to taunting, that he just makes up.. This pain .. It is mostly Jim's and Spock will rip the world apart if he could save Jim from suffering further..

Then he pleads.. Spock begs .. Begs that Jim be spared.. It is not Jim's fault.. It is theirs.. They brought Jim despite the fact that he was unwilling.. They even drugged him.. Surely these people can understand that Jim is not the guilty party deserving of punishment here?

He bargains..

They can have him.. Have Leonard.. He knows Leonard agrees as he can feel the pain Leonard suffers as if it were his own due to the Mind Link that V'klar had established between Jim and his Crew.. .. Spock bargains harder.. The entire Crew of The Enterprise if they will please just let Jim go.. Put Jim safely on one of The Enterprise's shuttles and set in on a course to Earth.. The whole Crew gives a chorus of agreement, Spock can feel them.. They will all trade themselves for Jim to be punished.. This is all of their faults, anyway.. Let the guilty parties be punished and the innocent set free..

Spock distantly realizes he is going through the stages of grief..

Then..

Understanding.. Jim is innocent.. And suffering..

But so are the children on X'Lar..

This suffering Jim endures, is what the children of this Planet are also forced to endure if a Tarnished sets foot on X'Lar..

The innocent suffer and are punished as much as the guilty even though they are not guilty because of the Telepathic Link amongst all of the people of X'Lar..

They all suffer equally..

Spock goes back to begging..

It hurts.. It hurts.. Do they not understand that this suffering is too much for a Human?

Spock sees .. and feels .. all of the bad things Jim has ever been through ..

Spock can feel Jim's skin being melted by digestive enzymes.. He feels horror .. Both as someone who should have loved and protected Jim and as a Vegan .. Jim is being eaten .. alive .. And he and everyone he knows.. Everyone he does not know.. They are feeling .. this ..

Spock screams .. a manic, high pitched, broken thing.. It does not sound Vulcan.. It does not sound Human..

This thing.. Is pure animalistic pain..

Then .. Spock can sense Jim's memories slowly eroding.. A blank, unknowing mind, where a once bright and dynamic jewel of an Oasis shimmered glittering on Vulcan Sands.. 

Jim's mind was gone and in the place of Jim's mind .. Innocence .. Confusion ... Fear .. A true understanding of what the children of the Planet are suffering as they have no knowledge of what to base this pain on.. 

Then..

It

Just

Ends

..

Stops so abruptly a scream ends on a shudder and a heaved breath of instant relief that does not last long..

There is nothing anymore..

Jim's mind is out of reach to them all, now..

Because it is gone completely...

The memory of sensation of living tissue being painfully digested by acid.. Of being eaten alive niggles at the back of Spock's mind and he retches..

Jim is gone because he was eaten alive..

The fault lies in those who had not believed..

Spock retches until he nearly breaks his own spine with how violently he is heaving up everything in his stomach..

There is a beam of light and then there are blue Starfleet Uniforms.. A Medical Team that is not from The Enterprise.. These people wear the insignia of another ship..

They are rescued..

They run scans on the surface of X'Lar and find barely there readings of James Tiberius Kirk's biometrtics..

Spock and Leonard are transported down.. This is their doing.. Their fault..

They rush the temple.. There is no one to stop them.. Jim's pain.. rendered all of the inhabitants of the entire Planet unconscious.. 

They found what was left of Jim laying wrapped inside a purple, fleshy cocoon.. Like a Venus Flytrap the inside of the cocoon was digesting him..

Spock and Leonard pried it open...

Jim's naked body spilled out into the murky grey water along with acid that hissed and steamed upon contacting the surface of the water..

Spock and Leonard pulled Jim's naked body out of the water..

Jim was covered in burns from the acid, his body was still being broken down from the inside out..

Leonard went to work stabilizing Jim, trying everything he could think of to neutralize the acid and make it stop eating away at Jim..

In the end, the grey water was the answer..

Spock and Leonard scrubbed Jim hurriedly clean with the water and took vial upon vial of the water and used it to inject Jim with to start working on ceasing the internal damage..

Jim was only barely stable but it would have to be enough..

How had The Endeavor known to come when they had?...

Simple..

They hadn't..

They had come because Jim had, had the foresight to request their aide over a week ago and The Endeavor had simply been just now showing up ..

Jim had been the one to save them.. Just like always..


	6. Chapter 6

..

..

The Endeavor beamed the three into The Endeavor's Transporter Room..

Jim was taken from Spock and McCoy..

McCoy wasn't allowed to treat Jim..

Conflicts of Interest..

And..

McCoy was no longer listed as Jim's Primary Care Physician as of two weeks before getting to X'Lar..

No..

Jim's Primary Care Physician was listed as The CMO of The Endeavor..

Because when Jim had contacted The Endeavor..

It wasn't for assistance..

It was for a Transfer.. The Endeavor was so close because it was already scheduled to rendezvous with The Enterprise to receive Jim once he relinquished Command of The Enterprise..

Jim was Transferring to The Endeavor to be in charge of Gamma Shift.. A Captain Of The Night Watch as it were.. Still a Captain in Rank, Title and Pay, but not in Full Command of the ship.. 

Jim had been going to leave them all...

And he hadn't told anyone.. 

Just more failure on Spock's and Leonard's shoulders..

They had chased their T'hy'la away from what was always, his first, best, destiny only to also almost get him killed before he could reach refuge because they had forced him down to that Planet.. 

Spock and Leonard for certain were sure to most likely face a Court Martial soon, for what they had done...

It would be a miracle if the others involved could manage to escape with only just a permanent black mark on their records but at least not a trip to a Federation Prison like what Spock and Leonard would face upon conviction..

They faced truly losing everything.

Because they had already given up.. Everything..


	7. Chapter 7

..

..

Technicalities were the only things that kept the entire Alpha Bridge Crew out of The Brig ..

Technicalities were the only things that kept the entire Alpha Bridge Crew from even being Charged..

But they all still knew that what they had done was the worst sort of wrong..

Those on The Enterprise and on X'Lar were not the only ones forced to feel Jim's pain..

Those on The Endeavor had felt it.. Thank the stars for The Endeavor's course and Orbitting Pattern already being laid in or else The Endeavor might have collided with The Enterprise instead of pulling up to a smooth orbit alongside Starfleet's Flagship and thank goodness for one Officer on board The Endeavor not being affected by any sort of psychic or telepathic influences.. 

It reached further than that though..

Whole Light Years away an entire Planet Colonized by Betazoids had been nearly crippled and blinded.. Too much telepathic and psychic pain had incapacitated almost the entire population for hours..

And The Alpha Bridge Crew of The Enterprise were responsible..

Technicalities were what gave Leonard control back over Jim's care..

Leonard just knew more on how to work miracles when it came to Jim..

The Medical Team on The Endeavor tried they really did but in the end they had to concede that if they didn't want to accidentally lose the most popular Commanding Officer in Starfleet then they had to allow his care to be taken over by someone better at working miracles with bringing a nearly dead James T. Kirk back from the brink..

And then Jim was suddenly miraculously stable..

Leonard having once again pulled off the impossible..

But Jim's brain activity looked like a Supernova of fireworks..

Then..

Jim woke up..

And he didn't remember anything..

Or anyone..

Jim was an entirely blank slate that did not remember even how to form words or walk..

Technicalities were why The Endeavor could not finalize Jim's transfer..

They were not equipped to handle the levels of many recuperative therapies that Jim would surely need to be able get back to the capacity and capabilities of what it would take to work on a Starship.. 

So Jim remained with The Enterprise..

A blank, hollow shell.. That did not know them at all..

And they were the only ones to blame..


End file.
